I have a sneaking suspicion
that cavemen did not discover fire.

The more likely scenario is as follows:

while gathering food and sweeping the cave porch,

it was a cavewoman that happened upon

brambles, flint, and stone for the very first time.

Curious as she was—

“interfering” might be today’s more accurate word—

the cavewoman toyed around with her tools

and with a bit of time and skill, she created FIRE!

However, in her fit of excitement,

unable to control her womanly shrieks,

she awoke her caveman husband from his sleep,

who ran out to see just what all the fuss what about,

to set his wife down and ask her please not to shout.

 

She exclaimed (softly), “Look, my dear husband! Look what I have discovered!”

and proceeded to demonstrate how things BURN in the HOT FLAME,

how the FIRE HURTS those who touch it, but can COOK dead animals,

and how it shines LIGHT all throughout the dark night.

 

He nodded, “Very good! Why don’t you give this FIRE a test-run for dinner tonight? Throw on some sloth meat!”

 

While his eager wife got to work in their new cave kitchen,

the caveman returned to the cave living room,

and proceeded to sketch out the day’s events with red rock,

his daily responsibility.

Amongst the scratches that recorded their home life—

the rivers, mammoths, spears, and trees—

the caveman drew the FIRE,

this scorching blaze of sparks that could cook food and ward off enemies.

 

Then, he drew himself next to the discovery, signed his name, and went to go eat dinner.

On hunting night, the caveman told all his friends about the FIRE,

and the caveburgomaster even gave him an award!

 

When the caveman’s wife spoke up, nobody believed that she could have ever made this discovery, and she was shunned from the neighbourhood forever.

 

Her descendants are the likes of Lovelace, Franklin, and Johnson.

And many more.